There are also financial considerations.īy June of this year, the couple stopped seeing their therapist because, said Diane, "we no longer had anything to talk about." Lina said she will likely "complete the picture" and have genital surgery, but international medical guidelines require that she live for at least a year as a woman. Then, just last November, after telling all her co-workers, Lina officially transitioned to a woman. Finally, they picked a day when Lina would "leave work as a man and return to work as a woman." The following year, they began to tell friends and family, all of whom were supportive. After the initial shock, Diane and Lina went into therapy. "In the trans world there's a saying that 'one person's transition is everyone's transition,'" she said. They were, and according to Diane, no state reverses a marriage between a man and a woman, even after transitioning to a different gender. "It would start with what does this mean for our relationship and how will you look and what will the neighbors say, and will we be legally married?" "One hour I was processing one thing and the next something else," said Diane. Such was the case with Diane, who said the six years leading up to Lina's living as a woman were gut-wrenching. "All major life changes are difficult, but the lack of understanding is triple - dealing with all the prejudice and bias, and even the sensationalism and prurient interest." "I would not wish transition on anybody," she said.
She said not enough partners and families of loved ones speak out about the experience, one that can be like "walking through fire, but once it's done.can be a deep bond."īoyd, a professor of gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin, said her work in the field indicates that far more partners split. "We still share the same world view and she knows me better than any other human being." "She is still as charming and still the person who can make me laugh when I don't want to laugh about anything," said Boyd. "I knew that I would lose my male husband."īoyd stayed with Betty, whom she had married as a man, "because I love her," and the couple just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. I took a bath and just cried," said Boyd. When her theatrical husband went from dabbling in drag to asking to wear an ordinary denim skirt, she thought, "This isn't fun anymore." Helen Boyd, author of the 2003 book, "My Husband Betty," had a similar experience to Diane. Surprisingly, 55 percent, stayed on or their relationship ended for other reasons, according to that report.īut those like Diane who have gone through transition with a loved one, say it is a long and painful process - and most spouses leave the marriage. The report was conducted by The National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, which surveyed 6,450 Americans who were transgender or non-gender conforming.Īn estimated 45 percent of those surveyed said that their relationship with a spouse or partner ended because of their transgender identity. 3 percent of the population, according to the Williams Institute, an LGBT think tank at the UCLA Law School.Ī 2011 landmark report, "Injustice at Every Turn," concludes that "nearly every system and institution" in the United States - education, employment, housing and healthcare - discriminates against transgender Americans. Slowly, Diane was able to open her heart, and their story illustrates the complex world of sexuality and gender and the power of love.īut it is also a call for acceptance for the 750,000 Americans who identify as transgender - about. The turning point for Diane was when Lina told her, "What I fear most is that you will see me as a monster or some kind of a freak.